"Hang on, I saw this in a cartoon once...I think it'll work."
-Dave Cronk
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I know I'm writing another blog far too soon after my first one, but I got to thinking about something and it's been like a barrel rolling down a hill in my head since - I don't know if I have what it takes to be an artist.

I look at the people around me, my friends, mainly, each of them are some of the most creative, artistic people in the world. They push and themselves to better their abilities, their art, their vision, and some of them are beginning to emerge as successful and acknowledged for their efforts and talents. Their hard work is paying off.

Me? I've been in college for going for almost seven years, and I've only just now decided I want to go through the VisCom program at the college. On top of that, I really don't have much to show for my past efforts, let alone being able to keep up with the workload I've had previously. I'm lazy, unmotivated, and undriven (Is that even a word? It is now.), and the work I've produced is amaturish at best. I dream of being some great fantasy author/comic book writer/anime creator, and have a background in art to help promote that, but when's the last time I've produced any sort of story of any length? Months? Years? Drawn a character that doesn't look like I have tremors? Hell if I know.

It's not that I don't have the talent, I know I do, and I've been told that I do, but why do I take that talent for granted and not push myself like the people around me? How can I hope to make a living doing what I love (or at least create works that will make people stop in their tracks) when the people around me, the real artists grind their fingers into nubs to get noticed, and only barely manage?

I look at the work I produce, and it makes me ache. I've never been able to produce a polished finished project, it's never been part of my style, I guess. Not that I haven't tried, it's just my 'unfinished' qualities have always seemed to reflect my ideas and energy better than my 'finished' quality. Maybe I'm my harshest critic.

Maybe that's what my new year's resolution should be, to push myself to actually become an artist, to back up what I've wished to be. I've got the know-how, I've got the talent, I just need to give myself the push and go on, because no one is going to do the work for me. Heh, and people wonder why I rely on myself so much...

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Redemption was never meant to be easy. Otherwise there wouldn't be something worth suffering over.